Downsizing is a special kind of interior design project that calls for creative thinking, mental discipline, and compassion. Last fall my interior design skillset came in handy when I helped my mom move from her 2,200 square foot home of over 50 years into a 900 square foot apartment in a senior living community.
The topic of downsizing has been on my mind for a while, and it seems that I am not alone. Many people I know are facing a similar endeavor right now. We have been living in an era that has celebrated consumption. It has never been easier to acquire new things, and I think we are feeling the burden of unchecked accumulation.
This blog post is divided into two parts: the practical and the personal. First, I will share five tips I used to help my mom downsize. Since this was no ordinary interior design project, at the end I will also share a few of the personal experiences that caught me off guard, as well as some resources I found helpful.
The Practical
Here are five tips that helped me manage my mom’s transition to a smaller home.
Tip 1: Space Planning
First we identified her favorite pieces of furniture, and then generated several furniture plans to show her what could fit and help her imagine how she might adapt her existing furniture for different purposes. For example, since she won’t be entertaining in her new apartment, the sideboard from her dining room now functions as aTV credenza and storage for gift wrap, stationery, and office supplies. Determining what was most important to her gave us clarity for how to pack and what to move. Her new apartment offers a simplified lifestyle, while familiar pieces give a sense of continuity and comfort.
I mean, look at that shag rug in the picture below! It might be one of my earliest memories from the living room of my childhood home. It still grounds the room with inviting color and cozy texture – and still sort of amazes me that my parents made such a bold decision.
Tip 2: Establish Time Parameters
Setting a move date will probably cause some anxiety, but it is really important to create a schedule that will impose constraint. Every cabinet and closet at my mom’s house was full of stories, memories, sentiment, and deferred decisions. I found it helpful to make mini-goals and set a timer. For example, 45 minutes to empty this cabinet. It was easy to get lost in rabbit holes, and the timer would bring me back to the task at hand.
Tip 3: Practice Compassion
Remember that any kind of change can be hard. Even for my typical interior design clients, I recognize that things often feel messier before they get to experience the payoff of their transformed space. Downsizing can be an especially emotional process, whether you are doing it for yourself or for a loved one.
Tip 4: Set Boundaries and a Small Dose of Tough Love
Whether you are downsizing for yourself or someone else, you will need some dedicated time and focused brain space to make progress. Map out some blocks of time and put up a figurative (or literal!) ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign.
In the days leading up to my mom’s move, I gently suggested that she not be in the room where I was packing. In our case, I think this was the most compassionate thing for both of us. I could tell that just by watching me sort through things she had not used for years, she felt a sense of responsibility for them. The principle of ‘out of sight, out of mind’ was helpful here.
Tip 5: Be Decisive
The ability to make decisions will be your best friend in this process. In the next section, I will share the questions that I asked myself in order to make (mostly) quick decisions. At the very end is a list of resources that I found helpful.
I gave myself permission to break up the china sets that my mom had inherited from various grandparents. I assembled a slightly mismatched stack of dessert plates that I will hold onto. I give you permission to edit your inherited china too…if you want to.
The Personal
Decision Making Before the Move
Since this was my childhood home, there were many things about this project that were very personal. The best way to illustrate the inner dialogue of my decision-making process is with one particular coffee service set that was stored in the dining room credenza.
This set carries all the nostalgia of the 1960s, when my parents would entertain friends from the Scandinavian Club of which they belonged. Our living room was filled with furniture shipped from my dad’s native country of Norway. They would sit around the coffee table, and literally serve coffee and cake while they listened to records on the record player. I love this image so much.
When I came across the coffee service set, I so wanted to re-create that scene in my life. But my reality is that I never will. I meet friends at coffee shops, but I rarely serve coffee in my home. And, I am at peace with that.
So, it was pretty easy to answer my set of questions:
- Will I use this? No.
- Is it realistic for my lifestyle? No.
- Do I love it? Yes.
- Do I have a place for it in my home? No.
- Am I willing to part with something else to make space for this? No.
- Could this benefit someone else more than me? Yes.
This is not to diminish the significance of loving something. But for me, in this case, it was not a strong enough reason to bring this coffee service set into my life. I like to imagine that there is some young coffee-drinking couple that will be thrilled to have this set and put it to loving use.
Decision Making After the Move
This is where I take off my Interior Designer hat and share from a place that is a little more vulnerable. The truth is that my pace has slowed, and as I write this blog, I am still wading my way through what is left at my mom’s house.
Once she was settled into her new apartment, there was still more than half a house of stuff to handle. I thought I was going to power through with my decision-making prowess and have the house ready to rent in 6 months. It has been almost a year since my mom moved out, and I am here to say that it has not been quite so straightforward.
Most of the remaining furniture pieces are no-brainers that my brother and I will hire an estate company to handle. But I feel compelled to empty the remaining closets and cabinets myself. There are family letters, photos, and mementos that are hard for me to imagine someone else handling. There is a weight to being the decision-maker about these things with which I am still grappling. What do I want to pass on to my children and my niece? Will they care? Will anyone ever read the letters? Who will thread together the stories behind the pictures? Does it matter?
Without the deadline of the movers coming, there is more space for memories and emotions to surface. I admit to feeling some frustration towards my mom that she had not purged over the years. At the same time, maybe there are things for me to learn and to make sense of through this process.
All I can say for now is that if you are preparing to downsize, try to leave some space for the unknown. Maybe in another year, I will have more concrete advice. In the meantime, I do recommend a solid soundtrack for your downsizing efforts. I enjoyed the company of Dolly Parton, Neil Diamond, and Simon & Garfunkel, all on vinyl, of course.
Resources
The resources below offer a range of perspectives and services. I found each to be helpful in different ways.
- The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family From a Lifetime of Clutter | Book by Margareta Magnusson
- Minimalista: Your Step-By-Step Guide to a Better Home, Wardrobe, and Life | Book by Shira Gill
- All There Is with Anderson Cooper | Podcast on CNN Audio
- Do I Need This? | Documentary by Kate Schermerhorn
- Make It Home Bay Area | Furniture Bank
If you are preparing to downsize and would like interior design support, reach out to schedule a Discovery Call with me.
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