In light of the recent killing of George Floyd, I have a heightened awareness of my white privilege.  The tradition of sleep-away summer camp is just one of many privileges that I have benefitted from. 

I almost decided not to make this blog post.  I had planned to share an article I wrote last fall for the Camp Tawonga Blog, as an expression of my disappointment that sleep-away camp has been cancelled due to COVID-19.  It was going to be entitled ‘Summer Camp Nostalgia’.  But I am aware that my kids missing a summer of sleep-away camp is the least of our problems right now. 

 

I decided to still share the article I wrote because I believe so whole-heartedly in the community that Camp Tawonga has built, and I hold on to the belief that it is possible for such kindness and inclusivity to be prevalent in the real world.  The mission of Camp Tawonga is rooted in compassion, social justice, and the concept of  tikkun olam, or ‘repairing of the world.’

I don’t have the answer for how our country is going to heal from these wounds that date back centuries, but I know there is trauma that needs to be healed.  The camp director when I was on staff, Ken Kramarz, always reminded us to ‘be a channel, not a dam’.  A lot of suffering and anger has been building up for many years, and the floodgates are now open.    

In the context of current events, as I re-read the article below that I wrote last fall, my first reaction was to feel a little self-conscious about sharing these experiences because of how they represent my white privilege.  But then a different voice in my head chimes in to ask how we can make it possible for every youth to have access to formative, outdoor enrichment experiences.   

From the Tawonga Blog:

Last summer my 14-year-old son participated in the Camp Tawonga Northwest Canada Quest Trip, a 3-week outdoor adventure with eight other 14 and 15-year-olds and three young adult wilderness leaders.  At the end of the trip, a group of eager parents waited at the designated pick up spot and cheered as two SUVs full of kids, windows down, music blasting, rolled into the parking lot.   As a bunch of excited and scruffy looking kids emerged, full of laughter and inside jokes, I found myself choked up with an emotion that is familiar, but still always seems to take me by surprise.  Beyond gratitude, it’s an awareness of moments where it’s possible to feel completely comfortable in our own skin. 

Each summer when my kids get on the bus to go to Camp Tawonga, I feel this rush of gratitude for the summers that my own mom sent me off to Camp Tawonga back in the 80’s.  As my kids head into their teen and pre-teen years, I’m reminded of my final year as a camper when I was 12.

As Tawonga families know, the overnight backpacking trip is a core part of the regular Tawonga summer camp experience, and not always embraced by the campers.  My 12-year-old self was no exception and my camp BFF and I stubbornly packed our shampoo and conditioner with every intention of washing our hair in the icy cold river where we’d be camping.  Because obviously we could not possibly survive one day without washing our hair!  The morning of our departure from camp, my cabin was up at dawn, we piled ourselves and our gear into the camp van, rode to the east side of Yosemite, transferred to a motorboat, road across Saddlebag Lake, then began our backpacking trek deeper into the backcountry. 

Once we had set up camp, one of my counselors asked if anyone wanted to explore, and without hesitation, I joined her, along with one other bunkmate.  My hair-washing plans were forgotten, and we were off!  I remember being captivated by the pristine backcountry, and the excitement of what we would discover over the next rock or hill. 

The beauty of Saddlebag Lake and the experience of shedding the concerns of my pre-teen-self left such an impression on me that 30 years later, I returned to Saddlebag Lake with my family for another magical experience.  In the time between these two visits to Saddlebag Lake, I’ve had many meaningful Tawonga experiences as a staff member, loyal Family Camp attendee, camp parent, and one of many Tawonga love stories, having met my husband on staff.

Our family trip to Saddlebag Lake brought back memories of what it was like to be a pre-teen, straddling the worlds of childhood and adolescence.  At times wanting to run off and play, other times wanting have the space to try on different versions of whoever I was becoming, and still needing some guidance to help the best parts emerge and thrive.  I am so grateful that Camp Tawonga created that space for me, and I view that backpacking trip as a formative moment in my relationship with the outdoors, which has shaped me personally, as well as our family culture. 

So, when my son got home from Quest and I was speechless with emotion, maybe it was just one of those full-circle experiences that makes it feel like we are exactly where we are meant to be.   

I am optimistic that we (or our kids) will be back at camp next summer, and it will be even more meaningful than ever.  Leave a comment if you have a formative summer camp experience – I’d love to hear about it.